Pretty kittens keep me from destroying everything that you love

On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:54:09 -0800 (PST), the light fantastic
wrote:

RABID DOG r0b cyph3r wrote:
Right now I am in a place that has four cats and two kittens.
Sometimes when people in these groups try my patience to
the point where I want to just say "**** everybody and the
human race" I take some gabapentin and play with the kittens.
The mommy cat gets mad and meows at me but I tell the
mommy it's okay, I love your babies. One of the kittens is
real fluffy and I pick her up and hold her in one hand, that's
how small she is. She mews so loudly when I hold her up to
the ceiling! She'll use her tiny little claws to attach herself
to my hand, as if she's afraid I'm going to drop her, but I'd
never do that. She's so cute and fluffy. I'll talk to the
kitties for hours, call them "stinky furballs" and "smelly
poopbutts". It helps calm me down and reminds me that
unlike Usenet, not everything is ugly and corrupted to
its very core. Not kittens. I like to pick up the cats and
the kittens and rub my face on their bodies. They usually
get mad about that but who cares! I love them.

You guys should feel real lucky that these cats are
saving your very own existence. Sometimes they like
to lay all over my bed 3-5 at a time when I'm sleeping, so when
I roll over I wake up to a startled "mrrrrowl!".

They're so cute. I wuv kittens.

We are starting a cat ranch in Lacon with 100,000 cats. Each cat will
average 12 kittens a year. The cat skins will sell for 30 cents each.
100 men can skin 5,000 cats a day. We figure a daily net profit of
over $10,000.

Now what shall we feed the cats? We will start a rat farm next door
with 1,000,000 rats. The rats breed 12 times faster than the cats. So
we will have 4 rats to feed each day to each cat.

Now what shall we feed the rats? We will feed the rats the carcasses
of the cats after they have been skinned. Now get this! We feed the
rats to the cats and the cats to the rats and get the cat skins for
nothing!

On a serious note, you'll start an epidemic of feline transmissible
spongiform encephalopathy if you feed the cats rats that ate
other cats. You'll start the Black Plague for kittens. Do you really
want to be known as the guy who created the "mad meow disease",
all for a few cat fur coats? Prions are a bad mother****er, y'know,
and it is possible that the cats could give humans a new form of
variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease as well. I should know, I got
"cat scratch fever" from a homeless kitten and had to have a
cyst removed from my shoulder blade.

But I still love kitties.
--
robcypher.livejournal.com
RABID DOG AND SLAYER OF ALT.DRUGS.HARD

can they change a tire?

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