cat - [OT] I am *SO* P*SSED OFF!

"Yowie" wrote in message
...
"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
It's Thanksgiving and I wanted a nice peaceful day to enjoy my family,
friends, and good food.

Background....

DH, Ben, has been going out 3 or 4 times every evening to "take a walk".
I
was suspicious, because this is a man who is far, far,*FAR* from slim,
likes
to eat chocolate éclairs and *NEVER* exercises. I kept asking him,
"Have
you started smoking again?" and he denied vehemently every time.

Well, I've been watching for him to go out the door and today I waited
until
he was around the corner of the house and followed him.

My suspicions were *NOT* groundless. DH (standing for d*ck-head in this
instance) was standing by the trunk of his car lighting up a
cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm angry at him for further ruining his health and burning up our money
(of
which we have *VERY* little now-a-days), *AND* I'm mad at me for looking
for
proof of this on Thanksgiving day when I *KNEW* it would make me mad.

I can understand why you are p*ssed off with your man. But, before you
take
revenge, please stop to think about why he might have taken smoking up
again. Smoking is not only a physical addiction, but a mental one. You
guys
have been going through heaps of stress lately, and smoking the odd
cigarette may be th eonly sense of relief (and indulgence) he gets at the
moment. He also clearly knows what your reaction to him backsliding againw
ould be, hence the secrecy. He's probably guilty and ashamed that he's
smoking again, and yet, can't find any other form of "escape" right now.
It
sucks.

I'd be angry at him for lying to me, but let the smoking go. Its a
symptom,
not a cause in this case.

Yowie

Yeah, you're right. Ben has a hard time expressing his stress (of course
it's probably just that he has to be the strong, stable one in our
relationship and keep me from going ballistic - I tend to wear my emotions
on my sleeve). I've calmed down a bit and gotten a lot of good advice here,
so we'll deal with it, hopefully, logically rather than get into a
knock-down-drag-out about it tonight.

In one way I'm glad he hid it from me because it kept me from starting up
again (it's *SO* easy to just say f*ck it and light up when you know your
quitting-partner has too - sort of a childish, "well if he can so can I!" -
and smokers will use *ANY* excuse to go back to their addiction). That's
what I'm most afraid of right now - I don't even have to be around him when
he smokes, just know that when he's walking out the door he's going to have
a cigarette makes me think about smoking and makes it harder for me to be
strong and *NOT* smoke! As it is I have to consciously try to completely
forget about smoking so it's not on my mind every waking minute!

But it's going to be hard to get past the lying to me part - that's
something that is extremely verboten in our relationship. A marriage
without trust is a divorce waiting to happen.

Hugs,

CatNipped