Our cat is sick of us

Any advice is appreciated.

My partner and I adopted two Katrina refugee cats about 3 months ago.
They both entered the house at the same time. We don't have any other
animals. Our beloved elderly cat died last April.

One of the cats, Stanley, is actually a kitten, and he's about 7 months
old. The older cat is Archie and he's about 1 1/2 - 2 yrs old. They are
both neutered. Stanley is well-adjusted and fine. Both of them are full
of energy and mischief. When we first brought Archie home, he was
sitting on our laps and purring all the time. He would roll over in our
arms, so we could scratch his belly. Really sweet. But after about a
week in his new home, he didn't want to sit on us anymore and became
kind of standoffish. We figured it would just take time and patience.
We give him special attention and don't try to force him. But it's like
he's just tolerating our company.

The two cats get along fairly well. They chase each other and roll
around, but also sleep curled up together often. Archie grooms Stanley.

Here's the thing. When we have guests over, as we did last night, both
cats are very social and come out to enjoy the company. Archie gloms
onto people and sits on their laps with his arms around their necks,
soaking up the love and purring. It seems so strange that he doesn't do
this with us. We want the cat love! He clearly loves to be held, but
not by us.

The only thing we can figure out is that it has something to do with
Stanley, the kitten. Archie does keep his eye on Stanley. Stanley is a
punk, of course, being a kitten. But Archie is pretty good with him.
There is never hissing and only occasionally does Archie's tail get
puffy.

Any advice? It's making us a little nutty! I can't get inside these
cat's brains. Thanks.

You expect far too much too soon. I have heard it said that it takes up to 2
years for an adopted adult cat to truly settle into the new home. Not all
cats will take this long of course - but some may. Many are probably in
between somewhere.

My cat has been with me 20 months now and only now and I seeing the REAL
her. Up until now I thought I was already seeing the real her but she
continues to surprise me and do things that she would never do before.
Socialising with strangers who visit the house is something she has only
recently begin to do. Usually she would go and hide.

You have to earn a cats trust and the 'love' will come naturally.

Be patient. It will be worth it.

chas

Of course, it's hard to tell with cats.... Being a Katrina rescue cat,
no doubt Archie (and Stan) went through some sort of hell, which might
make him behave a little differently from a cat who has known no real
trauma. So, maybe Archie's standoffishness is actually a sign that he
feels secure with you. Perhaps the love and affection he lavishes on
strangers is his way of trying to insure that they won't want to harm
him. By now, he doesn't view you as a possible threat and feels more
able to show his "kingliness". ;-) If that's true, then I bet over
time, he'll become more amenable to being held. It's just that now,
he's got to prove to himself that lavishing attention on you isn't
necessary for you to provide a safe and loving home for him.

Michelle

On 2005-12-18 12:17:57 -0600, said:

Any advice is appreciated.

My partner and I adopted two Katrina refugee cats about 3 months ago.
They both entered the house at the same time. We don't have any other
animals. Our beloved elderly cat died last April.

One of the cats, Stanley, is actually a kitten, and he's about 7 months
old. The older cat is Archie and he's about 1 1/2 - 2 yrs old. They are
both neutered. Stanley is well-adjusted and fine. Both of them are full
of energy and mischief. When we first brought Archie home, he was
sitting on our laps and purring all the time. He would roll over in our
arms, so we could scratch his belly. Really sweet. But after about a
week in his new home, he didn't want to sit on us anymore and became
kind of standoffish. We figured it would just take time and patience.
We give him special attention and don't try to force him. But it's like
he's just tolerating our company.

The two cats get along fairly well. They chase each other and roll
around, but also sleep curled up together often. Archie grooms Stanley.

Here's the thing. When we have guests over, as we did last night, both
cats are very social and come out to enjoy the company. Archie gloms
onto people and sits on their laps with his arms around their necks,
soaking up the love and purring. It seems so strange that he doesn't do
this with us. We want the cat love! He clearly loves to be held, but
not by us.

The only thing we can figure out is that it has something to do with
Stanley, the kitten. Archie does keep his eye on Stanley. Stanley is a
punk, of course, being a kitten. But Archie is pretty good with him.
There is never hissing and only occasionally does Archie's tail get
puffy.

Any advice? It's making us a little nutty! I can't get inside these
cat's brains. Thanks.

That's a very short amount of time. I know my own cats seem to go in
cycles of how affectionate they are towards me, or rather how much
"glom time" they really need. I can't imagine how much upheaval these
cats have had. I would just be patient. Talk to him a LOT. Oddly
enough, talking to them seems to create more of a bond. Maybe they
think it is cute. It could, at any rate, be a phase. KC

Thanks, everyone. This makes so much sense. I think I was too close to
the situation and wasn't seeing it clearly. I understand now that it
will take a long time for Archie to feel at home here. He's such a
sweetheart.

Judy

wrote:

Any advice? It's making us a little nutty! I can't get inside these
cat's brains. Thanks.

hahaha
that's too funny

sounds like they are full of love
and want to make nice people (your guests)
part of the cat family???? cause they are not lacking for love
you know, act like they've never had none before

or...
who knows

i bet your having a blast with the kitten, I have a new kitten too,
what a riot!
I goto put my foot in my shoe rrrraaaw...a cat is in it. I goto set
down...rrraaww
a little black kitten in my seat. Right now she is sharpening her claws
on my back.
I made her a long catwalk across the studio, this might keep her out of
my shoe.
I have these slides, and Im in and out of them, everytime Im out of
them, I can get in them without looking...it terrible...and there's a
kitten in of them..all the time

probably just act disenterested in any love from the cats and there you
go

bookbug2005 wrote:
Of course, it's hard to tell with cats.... Being a Katrina rescue cat,
no doubt Archie (and Stan) went through some sort of hell, which might
make him behave a little differently from a cat who has known no real
trauma. So, maybe Archie's standoffishness is actually a sign that he
feels secure with you. Perhaps the love and affection he lavishes on
strangers is his way of trying to insure that they won't want to harm
him. By now, he doesn't view you as a possible threat and feels more
able to show his "kingliness". ;-) If that's true, then I bet over
time, he'll become more amenable to being held. It's just that now,
he's got to prove to himself that lavishing attention on you isn't
necessary for you to provide a safe and loving home for him.


I've seen something similar with Jay Jay. I adopted him last February,
and while he is affectionate, he doesn't like to be held very long, and
even less by people other than me. He does like people to reach out to
him. He just wants to be able to escape.

But the main similarity to Archie that I see is concerning nail
clipping. When I first got him, he was a little squirmy, but didn't
struggle when I did his nails. Later, he started doing the rabitt kicky
thing when I did his hind feet. A little difficult, but not too bad.

Then, last month, he used his front paws and quite deliberately,
whacked the clippers across the room. And then continued to sit there
quite calmly. He knew what he wanted to get rid of and did it.

And last week, he went further. His kicking was stronger and well
aimed. And he used his front paws to fight too. We had quite a
discussion on what is not alllowed.

So, why did he suddenly start fighting when he did not do it before?

I believe that he feels more comfortable now. He knows he's a keeper,
and I'm not going to hurt him. So, he figured he could argue without
losing his home or getting hurt.

He'll lose the argument of course. I do need to do his nails, and I
don't plan on getting hurt every time. But he is correct in the fact
that he is indeed a keeper, and while I may firmly tell him no, and I
may hold him and not let him win, I won't hurt him either.

I think it is a sign that he feels safe and comfortable, that he is
willing to push his limits more and see what he is allowed to do.


Also, when I first got him, he was like a puppy dog following me around
and everybody else in the house too. After a couple weeks, he limited
that to me, and took up the practice of ignoring the others. He has
since noticed them again and seems to like their attention. But his
main focus has been on me since the day I brought him home.

I don't know much about his history, but I suspect he has had less to
deal with than Archie. My rescue dog, who was abused before I got her
took a lot longer to get over various issues. She was absolutely
terrified when I got her. And she would try so hard to please us that
she would actually jump upward when she knew we were reaching down to
pick her up. If she knew what we wanted, she would hurry to do it. And
when confused, she would roll over in a submissive posture. And even
after 8 years, she reverts back in certain situations. Traumatic
situations leave lasting damage. Most of it can be improved with time,
but it will never be erased.

wrote:

Any advice? It's making us a little nutty! I can't get inside these
cat's brains. Thanks.

another way to say it is,
your cat is just widening his circle of friends.
he has your affection, your desire is towards him, and he knows it.

I dare say he is alos displacing all the affections you two have given
him.

He will be on your lap when he needs it, see...the honey moon is over
but he loves you even more than before.

My first cat was like that, at first he was extremely glued to me
after a couple of weeks, he did not feel the need for being so close
anymore; I felt I had accomplished my goal to let him know he
was cared for.

a christmas tree wrote:
wrote:

Any advice? It's making us a little nutty! I can't get inside these
cat's brains. Thanks.


I have to write this last little bit

it's like, his love cup was full and he was spilling it on someone else

he is an extension of you, he's the feeling thermometer, he shows
how he is being treated

just stay secure and confident towards him, you don't have to be
holding him in order for him to feel you